… and so much longer than that from writing!!! If you are a past time reader I AM SORRY … I am working on one of my biggest opportunity, sticking to one of the MANY ideas I come up with and focus on them!
I actually have found some motivation in a friend, it’s outstanding how someones can inspire you to pick up their habits with out even trying. I am such a true Air sign and constantly moving around, always creating, always moving … yada yada yada. So I have a goal to re-organize my life priorities, and refocus my goals! Hustle like a father fucker, I am here to tease your cocks hard as hell and hopefully get the pleasure to one day be the one in person to make you explode!!!!
So I thought I would write a little (it won’t be little at all) post to what’s being going on, and why I just fucked off. A lot of you are newer to following me, so haven’t seen much. I have had quite the year, and it’s been very hard for me to come around and recover from it all. Both mentally and financially. But those weren’t specifically the factors that were causing me so much stress and almost squeezed me into a mental break down. It was trying to maintain and keep up my persona and “brand” for my followers. Now I want to clarify something right away, I have NEVER acted in any way to “created” a brand … I am who I am, and shamelessly! BUT I didn’t let my sad low days show. And holding back that sadness to be “ON” for my followers just took a major toll on me and I had to just let go! I needed to get back to being happy and loving myself, and more importantly I had to let myself feel unhappy. I had to let myself be really really sad and mourn all the shit I held back this last year.
I was telling someone recently, I have felt more heartbreak and loss in the last year, then the whole part of my adult life. But there is a very quick back story that amplifies the shit end of the this post. I quit my full time job four months shy of being there for 10 years! You can say I was comfortable there. Before that I ended a 6+yr relationship. I planned to change my life and do what what I needed to do to be able to say I ENJOYED it! The last thing that was holding me back was my job. I wanted to do something more care free. More on my terms, and doing something I loved! Fast forward a lot of mentoring and midnight conversations with a great friend of mine, I decided to join her in the sex work industry. I became my own boss, and I get paid to do what I LOVE, to fuck!
At the time I made this decision, my then roommates fiancé had the audacity to ask me to help him out in his situation, being that I am also going into the business. It was a move that ruined a friendship, and not to mention a great living dynamic. So let’s go look for an apartment now, oh yes remember I quit my job. I have NO fucking employment letter, and getting applications turned down. I knew I had to rent something more under the table, and when I found a basement apartment in an area I loved, I got it. But I fucking HATE it. There was lots of little things that needed to be done to make it more appealing to live in. To make me happier I did a bunch of DIYs, that caused me not to work as much, and the money I had saved (to get me started in my new life) has started to dwindle away.
Here I was …. a new escort straight into being independent, no reviews, and trying to go into a very specific and old school run industry. I am stubborn, if given the option I will always take the harder option first. I don’t want to start at high quantity of short visits, I want quality! So it was a hard, and rocky start for me. I decided to jump into the deepest end, go straight into my own business, where a majority go into an agency first. This was a struggle, but I was and am ok with this decision. I knew very well that it would be a while before I would be comfortable and have a steady flow of clients. What I DID NOT expect, was HOW MANY TIMES I would “start over” during this past year!
SO in the year 2019 in the span of 6 months, my uncle (who I admired like a father), my step cousin, a close family friend, an old acquaintance, and both of my brothers dogs have all died. And I did NOT mourn their loss as much as I should have, I didn’t give myself time. I kept a strong heart and tried to keep focused, on you. Every time I built up a little movement and momentum with meeting new gents, someone would soon call me delivering dreaded news to knock me on my ass again. I told you this would not be a “short story” but all in all to summarize why I needed to escape, and I chose to do so with out talking about it. THAT was where I know I failed. But for the time I didn’t care, I needed to take care of me. I knew I was going to think about taking some time off and this summer was going to be it. I have worked most of my life in the costumer service industry. A world of working evenings and weekends. Never having a full summer, one I can look back at and smile. This was my recharge. It was bringing my soul back into a needed balance, being close to water and feeling close to my own self love!
So now I am back. I gave myself a month where I tried to really unplug and being in my own presence. I did yoga, swam, tanned, relaxed and napped when I wanted, went to beaches and on random drives. I let myself think about all the shit that happened, I cried and binged Netflix. I let myself feel all the feels, and fell in love with myself in a whole new way. So now I feel like there is only one more obstacle to get through and I can finally FINALLY turn off all the engines running on overtime in my head. I am moving a month sooner than I originally had planned (fuck me I have 2 places to pay in a month), which is as equally exciting as it is stressful with all to do now in less than a months time. I have learned a lot this summer, and not being scared to being myself is one of the things I was reassured of. I am SHAMELESSLY who I am! I will shine and be every bit of me in the open, because at the end of the day I am not going to act a part for you, to be a perfect cookie cutter pretty girl. I will not be perfect for every client, and there are still many that feel that they need to DM us to make it aware. But I will attract the kind of clients I want to integrate into my life. Because it is just that that I give to you, it’s more than just a sexual physical act, I give you a part of myself. Until you get past your own fears and nerves about reaching out, you will find out for yourself. I am really looking forward to meeting you! If you follow me on twitter and think I would be fun to go out with … I promise it, I AM!
www.dateTorrie.com … I’ll see you soon